


Chuck Norris Just Might Be Overrated

by Furorscribiendi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-11
Updated: 2012-01-11
Packaged: 2017-10-29 09:02:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/318091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Furorscribiendi/pseuds/Furorscribiendi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is really sick and tired of the Chuck Norris jokes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chuck Norris Just Might Be Overrated

**Author's Note:**

> I shouldn't write fic when sleep-deprived and jabbering on YIM. This is just pure crackfic, at its finest.

The sound of the television was the first thing that greeted Sam as he opened the motel room door. Dean was sprawled on the couch, eyes fixed on the television and reciting the script of the show currently playing.

All Sam could do for a moment was stare and then blurt out, "Seriously? Walker, Texas Ranger"?

Dean jumped up off the couch like Sam had jabbed him with a knife tip. "What the hell are you doing back so soon?"

Sam held up the bag of take out, containing one grilled chicken salad - his - and a grande chili cheeseburger with chipotle fries - Dean's. "You know, lunch."

"Right. Totally forgot." Dean's gaze slid to the remote.

"You forgot, and I quote, 'the heaven of a chili cheeseburger'? Because of Walker, Texas Ranger?" Sam narrowed his eyes as it all clicked. "No way."

Now Dean looked nervous. "What?"

"You're a Chuck Norris fanboy."

"Hey, I'm not a fanboy," Dean sniped. "It's Chuck Norris, you know. Chuck fucking Norris man. The dude's like eighty five and he still kicks so much ass."

"Uh huh," Sam walked over to the table, taking out the food. "Whatever you say. Should I leave you and Chuck alone?"

Dean glared at Sam as he stomped over to the table. "You know what? Chuck Norris wanted to sue the makers of Brokeback Mountain."

Sam stared at Dean for a moment, like he'd lost his mind. But he'd bite. "Why's that?"

Dean smirked and finished with, "Because that's what he wanted to name the pile of dead ninjas in his backyard."

Sam rolled his eyes, huffed and sat down. He opened the container, dumped on salad dressing, closed and shook it before opening it and started eating. Dean joined him, digging into the chili fries

"He doesn't style his hair either," Dean managed around a mouthful of spicy fried potatoes. "It stays down out of sheer terror."

"Are you just going to quote Chuck Norris jokes while I eat?" Sam tried and failed to hide his exasperation.

Dean grinned and said, "Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun."

"... I'm going to eat outside." that was all Sam declared before he took his salad and stepped outside.

And through the door, Sam heard, "Google won't look for Chuck Norris, dude! It knows that if you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you."

Sam shot the door a dirty look before he went down the Impala, sat down on the trunk and glowered his way through the entire salad. If Dean was going to be like this the entire day, he'd happily sleep in the Impala tonight.

____________________________________________________________

The sound of the door mechanism opening made Sam lurch up. All he managed was to knock his head against the car roof. He blinked and rubbed at his forehead. "What?"

Dean peered in at him. "You gonna sleep out here all night?"

Sam frowned. "You have _another_ Chuck Norris joke?"

"Uh," Dean's lips twitched. "There's one about Superman and pajamas."

"Good night Dean," Sam reached for the door handle.

"I'm not having you and your bitchface glaring at me all day tomorrow. So c'mon. Sleep in the damned bed we're paying for."

Dean looked at him and Sam felt like he had to ask. "No more Chuck Norris jokes?"

"I'll do my best." Dean shrugged. "Don't know why you don't think Chuck Norris is awesome. I mean, he's got a fist for a chin. No actual chin underneath that beard."

"That sounded like a joke." Sam said coldly.

"No," Dean replied smoothly. "Sounded more like a fact to me. So you coming to bed or what?"

"Fine." Sam said after a few seconds.

He slid out of the backseat and stretched, his back cracking. Dean was just standing there, watching him before they headed back into the room. The second the door was closed, Sam found himself shoved against it.

"Chuck Norris," Dean murmured against Sam's mouth as he slid off Sam's jacket. "Plays Russian roulette with a full gun and always wins."

"Dean, this isn't - " that's all Sam managed to get out before Dean pressed himself fully against Sam, grinding his hips against Sam's thigh and yanking the jacket down, trapping Sam's arms.

"Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight and the knife lost horribly."

Sam wanted to be pissed at Dean, he really did. But it was extremely hard when Dean was currently kissing him and manhanddling him towards the bed.

"If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble," Dean said as he shoved Sam back onto the bed, "You win. Forever."

"That's - Jesus!" Sam yelped. Dean had undone and yanked his pants down so fast, Sam was surprised he didn't have fabric burns.

Dean's mouth was working over Sam's cock through the underwear, gusts of hot breaths and those damned awful Chuck Norris jokes.

"Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice." Dean's mouth ghosted along the head of his cock, with little licks of his tongue.

"Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits." Dean pulled down Sam's boxers with his teeth, stubbled chin gently rasping along the length of Sam's cock until it bobbed free.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once," Dean nuzzled his nose in Sam's balls before licking up the length of Sam's cock. "And he will roundhouse you in the face."

If there was ever a thing that was messed up, Sam was pretty sure this was it. Here he was trapped by his jacket, lying on a bed while Dean sucked him off _while saying fucking Chuck Norris jokes_.

Thankfully, Dean stopped talking for a bit and got right down to business. There was an upside to Dean having Sam's cock in his mouth. He couldn't speak. It was just when he pulled off that Sam tried to get his cock back into Dean's mouth.

"The square root of Chuck Norris is pain," Dean gasped as he lazily stroked Sam's cock.

Sam glared while thrusting up into Dean's hand. Damn it, he had to get this stupid jacket off. If his hands were free, the tables would be turned and Dean wouldn't have a chance to even think of talking.

"Do not try to square Chuck Norris as the result is death." Dean grinned before taking Sam right down to the base.

Sam meant to say, "Holy fuck" but it came out more as, "Ngh!" and he thrashed, intent on freeing his hands and keeping his cock that deep in Dean's mouth. Fuck, he was so close now, he could practically taste it, feel his balls draw up.

Dean must have caught it, because there was a gentle tug and Sam's impending orgasm eased off.

"Dean, I swear to God," Sam ground out. "If you keep me from coming for half the night so you can tell me these ridiculous Chuck Norris jokes, you're fucking _dead_!"

Dean somehow managed to smirk with Sam's cock still in his mouth. Then he pulled off, working on Sam's cock with his hand once more. That feeling of an approaching orgasm came again, with Dean licking and sucking on the head of his cock and continuously jerking him off.

And proving that Dean was just an asshole through and through, right before Sam came...

"Chuck Norris," Dean's voice sounded hoarse. "Is the reason why Waldo is hiding."

Then Dean's mouth was back on his cock, sucking for all he was worth. Sam thought for sure that Dean was trying to suck his brains out though. When Sam finally sagged back against the bed Dean pulled off, wiping at his lips with the back of his hands.

Sam didn't even have the energy to fight as Dean finally freed him from his jacket and got him beneath the covers. After a few seconds stripping at the side of the bed, Dean slid in beside him.

"You know I fucking hate you sometimes, right?" Sam mumbled. He was too sated to bother with reaching over and throttling Dean.

Dean just chuckled and then said, "Chuck Norris can judge a book by it's cover."

Sam shook his head and yawned. "I'm going to sleep now."

"Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas." Dean murmured.

"Okay that one... not so bad." Sam admitted.

"Don't worry. I'll get you to like Chuck Norris eventually."

Dean sounded far too self-assured. But Sam wasn't exactly complaining about his methods of persuasion.  



End file.
